How often have you heard someone talking about rape, only to hear someone interrupt them with a patent dialogue that “protects” other men: not all men are rapists? The answer is: far more often than you should.
‘Not All Men.’ Have you ever wondered how this contributes to a conversation? It’s remarkable, isn’t it? It makes women feel heard, safer, and less alone, right? WRONG. If you intended to make a woman feel better with this simple line, it probably didn’t work. While not all men may be rapists or sexual assaulters, there is enough junk in the ocean for women to be wary of every man they meet. Think of it as a comparison to Russian roulette. If 1 in every six men were a rapist, just like 1 of 6 bullets loaded, wouldn’t you fear it too?
Besides the lack of reassurance that this statement provides, most women also find it to invalidate their feelings and experiences. A large fraction of society automatically assumes that any woman who shares her experiences directly attacks men when that’s rarely the case. In racing to defend themselves, people often tend to dismiss women and their feelings: making it all about men and how they – as a whole – are not to blame.
Surprisingly, many men have used this statement to gain praise and validation, but is our moral standard so low that men need to be appreciated for not being molesters? Often, men rush to talk about them being the victims themselves, but this is rarely brought up besides when a woman brings up feminism.
That being said, a man’s safety is just as important as a woman’s, but if it’s only mentioned when countering a woman’s take on our patriarchal system, it doesn’t equate well. However, we must remember that this isn’t a battle between two genders, and jumping to conclusions that feminists are ‘man-haters’ out for vengeance is dangerous for society as a whole. So instead of invalidating another’s feelings or changing the topic because it makes you uncomfortable, just listen. Listen to someone sharing their experiences or opinions, try and empathise with them, and show your support by calling out others when they objectify women or are even disrespectful.
