One day in school, a woman was brought in to speak to us about the concept of emotional intelligence. From the first impression (glimpses of her PPT), her content seemed interesting; it was her delivery that repulsed our attention. Disclaimer: I’m no expert when it comes to public speaking. All I’m saying is this – if a woman so accomplished, so intelligent, so worthy of praise could not convince a bunch of high-school students of her merit, then who could?
Here’s who: people with the right approach. And what exactly is that approach? There might not be a ‘right’ one, but more aptly, there’s always an ‘appropriate’ one. The way you present yourself to an audience, however big or small it may be, is an important consideration in the journey of making your mark.
There’s no formula to follow. If there were, everybody would be using it. But there’s a golden rule: have confidence. I’m not oblivious to the fact that these words are unoriginal.
Let’s make something clear: if you want things to work in your favour, you’re going to have to be self-assured. If you aren’t, just opt out of this process completely. Did you find that rude? Why, it’s just the tip of the iceberg! Get used to it. People are going to range from mildly blunt to downright nasty, and you must have the toughness to withstand it all. The woman who was called in to speak to us that day – she constantly stammered and relied completely on her notes. I don’t claim to understand the psychology of it, but to us, it seemed like she didn’t believe her own words and needed to be backed up by those on a screen. Don’t do that.
Do not assume that people don’t care to hear you, even if it’s highly likely that they don’t. Make another assumption instead – assume that all they want to hear is what you have to offer. Not to the point of overconfidence, of course. But, if you believe that strongly in what you’re trying to get across, maybe some of that belief will be mirrored by your audience. Speaking, most of the time, is all about pretence. The most idiotic people have been successful in their undertakings simply by speaking as if what they say is what must be heard.
And it’s not just about speaking, you know? While words do need to be delivered clearly, confidently, and without hesitation, the way you conduct yourself is of similar importance. It’s probable that there will be times you won’t get to charm people with the way you speak. In such situations, the way you behave is never unnoticed. So, stand tall, move about with elegance, follow social etiquette whenever necessary, and don’t behave like a doormat. People love walking over those.
You don’t want someone looking at you and thinking, “Hey, he looks like he could be pushed over easily.”. What you want is for people to approach you with respect, if not admiration or awe. Personally, I’ve found myself impressed by the conduct of certain people. In my eyes, one must achieve the perfect balance of authority and approachability for their manner to be considered ‘perfect’. How their body displays these qualities is different for different individuals.
To revisit speaking – remember, your content is never enough. That does not mean it is unimportant, because if you have nothing of substance to say, nobody will invest their time in you. And if you have something substantial to say but it is not complemented by effective delivery, then again, nobody will invest their time in you.
Your voice is a more powerful tool than you may realise. Whether you’re trying to persuade your boss to give you a raise, appeal to a date, or simply get your dog to stop chewing your shoes, the power of your voice can work absolute wonders.
Paris Hilton often speaks with a high-pitched, girlish voice that works for the image she wants to present. Guess what? Her team has said that this is not how she actually sounds. It’s all a show. When speaking to those under her authority, Paris uses a deeper, more commanding tone. I think it’s fascinating.
Voice modulation is so underrated. Not everyone is born with an audience-friendly voice, but of these people, some are given the opportunity to change it. To modulate it. One should never pass up on the opportunity to get professional vocal help, because a good voice can have a greater impact than anticipated. Pacing and pauses, tone and inflection – everything. There’s a reason people can listen to Julie Andrews speaking for ages.
Find the kind of voice that works for you, and adopt it as soon as you can. Then watch as everybody is wowed.
There are other factors that influence the way you are perceived. How you look is one of them, unfortunately. It’s just the way the world works. Regardless, invest in your appearance. Wear clothes that send the message you want received. Freshen up, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and be intentional with your movements. People are responsive to this.
Appeal to people’s senses.. Say the words they want to hear. Indulge in sweet talk. Give up a bit of your soul, even if it means getting what you want in the end. If I were a start-up founder, for instance, I would happily say I love golfing, and I would play the game if it meant that an investor with said hobby would get on board with my idea. Give a little to take a lot.To sum it all up, your manner is your biggest asset. You may have the best ideas in the world to speak of, but sometimes, it is not what you share, but how. If you master this art of influencing your manner to charm others, then congratulations! There is not much else to do. Analyse the way you present yourself, tailor it to meet certain needs, and voila! Aren’t you quite the charmer?
Author
