Disclaimer: the journalist does not mean any offence to colleges or their application processes and will blame everything she has written on “teenage hormones” if reprimanded.
Have you ever felt like your life is a circus? But it isn’t one of those fun shows when you’re in the audience and get to gawk at the acrobats and laugh at the silly clown who can’t juggle. No, YOU are the clown. The crew is absolute rubbish; the trapeze artist keeps falling; the clueless fire-swallower has accidentally set fire to your pants. You’re running around the stage frantically while greasy fingered children point at you. That’s what university applications can feel like sometimes.
Siri, play “jealousy, jealousy” by Olivia Rodrigo.
Remember when Olivia Rodrigo said, “co-comparison is killing me slowly”? Well, I’d like her to reconsider. Personally, co-comparison is killing me fast. Like, what’s the point of me giving tests, or going to school, or even trying to apply to college, if there are people who have 1600s on their SATs. Oh, and isn’t it just delightful when I find out that the kid who doesn’t say a word to anyone has written three whole published novels and found the cure for cancer in complete silence over the past three years? And since when is my best friend literally the Olympic gold medalist for 100m running? Well, to be fair, I’m pretty good at running too – from my problems.
STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS
Why are you the way you are? How will you contribute to our community? What inspires you? Why Us? I feel like I’m back in biology class – except today, we’re dissecting my soul. Well, my dear Curious University, at the moment, it’s just the Netflix episode I plan to reward myself with once I complete a single item on my ten-foot-long to-do list that’s inspiring me. Thank you very much. And, Oh God, the “Why Us” questions are the absolute worst. It’s like the college is your high school girlfriend echoing, “But tell me WHY you love ME” through the phone, expecting you to tell them exactly what they want to hear (which is always something that sounds like it’s straight out of The Notebook, by the way).
College ‘Bridgerton’
Society can sometimes make you feel like Daphne Bridgerton trying to get married when you are applying to college – The only two desirable options are the Prince-ton or the Duke. Or any other Ivy League university, really. And my darling Daphne, if a college doesn’t accept your proposal, then they’re bound to accept someone else’s, and in this town, your worth as a human being will forever be dictated by your success – or lack thereof – in the marriage market. Let’s hope the King (’s college London) loves you too.
On a more serious note, everything written above is hyperbole. We are all incredibly talented and unique in our own way, and our worth is not dictated by where we go to college (or if we go at all).
